10 May Another Child?????

What a great gift children are to a marriage. How much joy they can bring to our lives. People often think if they had a boy and a girl, they’d be the million dollar family. Well I must be extremely wealthy because I have ten children. I never dreamed of a large family and wanted only one when I married. Today more and more families are opting to stop things short with one or two and shoot for more possessions, better trips etc. etc.

Never underestimate the joy of bringing another child into the world. Don’t be afraid of children. They are the natural fruit of a loving marriage. Here are some points to consider.

• Next to the parent-child relationship, the sibling relationship is the strongest bond an individual can form because it is lifelong, intimate, personal and intense.
• One day you will die. The best things you can leave your kids are siblings, not money. They need roots, support, common background, someone who really cares- – for life. They can get this from siblings and only you can provide them.
• Siblings allow children from a young age to learn they are not the center of the universe. They need to share, co-operate, show respect and learn to get along, right from the word go.
• More children does not necessarily mean more work for Mom. When kids are young, it is a challenge but as soon as they can take things on, get them involved. You must delegate, seek co-operation and share responsibility from everything to meals, chores, holding the baby, etc. etc. Having kids help makes them feel needed, builds responsibility, confidence and self-esteem. They acquire life skills and most importantly focus on making others happy, not just themselves.
• Having more children forces you to set better priorities, get your rules and consequences more defined, help you work more efficiently and effectively. You learn to see what’s truly important and focus on that. Yes, you will be busy, but busy with the best things in life. Having kids always focuses you on what’s truly important.
• The family is the best environment for your children to learn character or virtues – patience, generosity, toughness, cheerfulness etc. Having a variety of siblings allows for more education in life lessons, relationship skills and maturity. You will be able to better equip them for being a better team player at work, in their marriage and friendships. They will learn to think of others and not just themselves. But it’s expensive… Yes if you think life is things and programs. To be on a tight budget and say no to things will not ruin your children’s life. They will learn to work for things, appreciate what they have, strive to make a mark and not expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter at the age of 2, 5, 13, 23 … Kids won’t suffer if they don’t have all that they crave; what they need is you and a sense that they are deeply loved. But I won’t be able to give them the attention they need. In my family, my kids have eleven people to love each of them. Eleven people to spend time with in different groupings, share memories with, do different things with. They are enriched by having more family members. They play more together, interact a lot together. They encourage each other, support each other. Rarely do all the children need the parents at the same time. But I won’t be able to stay on top of everything – Today’s parents seem to micro-manage every aspect of each child’s life. Kids need to grow in freedom and responsibility. They need to grow up learning from their mistakes and not having mom and dad take the lead in everything. Having more children gives each child the freedom to grow up with more independence, initiative and resourcefulness. They focus parents on what’s really important. More children means that parents have to start delegating tasks to the children in order to manage. This is worthwhile because children need to feel needed in today’s world. It steers them away from trouble, makes them grow in responsibility and can help them grow to greater maturity.  How will I manage? Having kids is a big adjustment in life. It takes a lot of getting used to. Having more children doesn’t make it worse. Rather it fine tunes your skills, develops your copings strategies and opens up so much room for growth. Don’t be afraid of it. Tap into excellent resources, surround yourself with good friends, invest more in your marriage and trust in God’s help. You can do more than you give yourself credit for. God will provide. Things will work out. You will never know if you don’t try. Don’t look back on your life with regrets. Put your hand in God’s, and dare to make a positive difference in the world. Not only will these children add much to your present life, they can be with you forever in the life to come. Don’t shortchange yourself this great happiness.  We often feel unable to have another child because we are so stressed with the one we have. Raising children is such a new and difficult challenge, we often feel more children would multiply not diminish the problems we are facing. Yet this is not true. Our first child will be our most difficult, no matter what the age because it is our first time experiencing labor, nursing, toilet training, school, work, dating, marriage etc. Our first one is very much an experimental model and we make a lot of mistakes. However that child is a great teacher and we do learn so much. With every child, we grow in experience, confidence, organization and love.  Someone once told me, “Each child comes into the world with a loaf of bread under its arm” meaning when that child is conceived, God will send you all the graces you need to make things work. Our hearts have more room for love than we can imagine. Have confidence! Remember your first full-time job and how much stress it caused you to learn the ropes? Eventually you did and became ambitious to improve yourself. Apply that stamina to your family life. The children you bring into the world can bring you a happiness nothing else in life can, even though times can be very challenging. Realize that nothing worthwhile in life comes easy. So do not close the doors of life in your marriage too quickly. God offers you the most amazing adventure. Have courage to face it with a sporting spirit.
• In this light, consider the value of having another child, because: This little baby will bring out so much gentleness, love, and compassion from its siblings.
  . . . will be a source of joy, daily conversation and memories.
  . . . will bring out sides of the older children you didn’t see before.
  . . . will help you set your priorities on people not things.
  . . . will totally change your world for the better, stretching you to be a better person than you were before.
  . . . will enrich your life more than you will ever know.
  And if you have pre-teens or teens, this little baby will draw them home, helping them feel needed, and loved. This little baby will diffuse a lot of teen problems, because this bundle of joy loves unconditionally. We really need to weigh the benefits. There are more than we realize in being open to another child.  Each child will teach the others not to be selfish.
  . . . will show the other he is not the center of the universe.
  . . . will teach the other what it means to share.
  . . . will bring to the other constant and natural occasions to be generous, co-operative, understanding, supportive.
  . . . will teach the other how to get along, how to forgive and and how to love when their feelings don’t want to.
  . . . will give the parents the opportunity to ask, “Who did it?” and thereby raise them to be more honest.
  . . . will be a constant source of play, conversation, companionship and love for the others for the rest of their lives.
  . . . will be a living presence of your family values, history and personality that has been passed down through the ages.
  . . . will be a lifelong friend to your other children, and help them maintain their sense of belonging in an often impersonal world.
  . . . crowns grandparents lives with unspeakable joy and love.
  . . . will pass on the legacy of your life to all your descendants.
  . . . will support the others long after we have left this world.
  . . . will be there for each other in difficult moments when friends may disappear.
  . . . will help the others to find their happiness in relationships rather than things.
  . . . will be a source of strength and joy to you in your 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond.
  . .. will fill your life with memories that are far richer than accomplishment, prestige and money.  Not everyone has the ability to have children, but many do. Children are a great blessing to a marriage. They push you beyond your comfort zone to be more selfless and less selfish. It is certainly not easy, but nothing good in life is. Children teach you to be a more loving person. Because you love them, they can bring out the best in you. They remind you of the simple pleasures in life. They help you to laugh, to slow down, to take time for people and enjoy their uniqueness.  I never dreamt of having more than one child. Many times it has not been easy, but the joys of having more children have far outweighed the difficulties. My children are my greatest treasures and they fill my days with meaning, purpose, joy and adventure. This fact is something I have grown to discover, appreciate and realize with each passing year. My children have pushed me to discover how to love and how to live. Raising my children has been the best use of my time, talent and energy. Nothing worthwhile comes easy in life, especially having a family. But the more we trust in God, the more things come together. We know that 2 + 2 = 4; but factor in God, then 2 + 2 + God means your life will be much, much more than you could imagine. Have courage and be open to life. You will find a treasure there that cannot be found elsewhere. It is so worthwhile, but you’ll never know, if you never try.

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