10 Jan Your Heart, Your Life
Every woman craves to loved, wants to know she is lovable and desires to love someone in a profoundly intimate way. From a young age, each gal needs to make choices to find that happiness she craves
for deep in her heart. Soak in these pearls of wisdom from Emily Wilson Hussem to help you navigate your journey through the dating scene:
If you feel the desire to date, it can be helpful to ask your self: Why do I want to date? Is it because I want someone to pay attention to me or is it because I want to learn more about qualities I would like to find in a future husband? Is it because I want to have a guy to hang out with or because I want to grow in virtue with someone?
If you are already in a relationship you can and should ask yourself: Why am I in this relationship? Is this relationship leading me closer to God or away from God? Is there purpose in this relationship – are we headed in a concrete direction – or are we mindlessly hanging out because it’s fun or because it’s what we have grown comfortable with? It takes maturity to step back and ask yourself these questions. If you are in a relationship in which you know you are settling, if you’re being led away from God or it just doesn’t have real purpose, it takes even greater maturity and strength to end that relationship.
It takes great bravery to date with purpose and intentionality. But it is also important to remember that dating isn’t supposed to be a super-serious quest to find out if the guy is the one as quickly as possible. … With respect to all women, it is unlikely that you will find your future husband in high school. Many women do not find their spouse in college either. This is not a bad thing! Discerning marriage through dating is a process that has no magic formula. Dating should be something that is enjoyable, and lighthearted, gradually growing more serious over time…..
… Spending time together,… getting to know one another… – being always aware of the why of dating. We were dating to discern if it was God’s will for us to get married, and through that process I came to find that my husband is a man of incredible faith, character and virtue, who would make a kind, loving and selfless husband and father for potential children. The why was always of paramount importance in the process of dating and engagement that eventually led to marriage.
It takes bravery not to settle for any guy who comes along in order to fulfill that desire to be paid attention to. It takes courage to keep your standards high. It takes strength to step back and ask yourself: Why? This requires a strong sense of self-awareness. You need to reflect on your true motives and desires, which is not easy to do. Yet when you implement this question in your life, you prevent yourself from wasting time in meaningless relationships that you”re not meant to be in. You are consistently reminded not to settle. You are free to date with good purpose, rather than “just settle”.
Our world is extremely focused on romantic relationships and often puts them on a pedestal as a trophy to be earned. However we can’t forget that relationships are not the end-all and be-all of life. They are not the most important thing, and pursuing them is not worthy of every ounce of our time, energy, and focus. Every woman has a different path, and I know incredible women who went on their first date when they were in their twenties. Perhaps you’ve never been on a date, and the thought of being asked on your first date in your twenties makes you want to cry! Take heart. Women who date with purpose do not typically go on as many dates as women who don’t. When your standards are high, you will not meet a plethora of men who meet those standards, but great men are out there. And no matter your path, always remember that you are no less spectacular than the girls who have the attention of may guys or who get asked to dances by multiple guys or who get engaged before college is over. Receiving the affections of men will never say anything about who you are. You are beautiful, amazing, and wonderful in every way – you don’t become those things when a guy tells you that you are those things. Boyfriend, or not, fiance or not, husband or not – you are, and will always be, spectacular.
Intentionality in dating is so uncommon and self-awareness in the way we approach dating and relationships is a concrete way we can choose to love ourselves. When we choose to date with purpose, we give ourselves clear direction instead of wandering around aimlessly, grasping at attention or love, or getting carried away in dead-end pseudo-relationships that are not good for our hearts in any way. The responsibility of taking care of our hearts rests in our hands—we just have to choose to find deep within ourselves the courage to do it.
Taken from pages 31-33 of Emily’s book, Go Bravely: Becoming the Woman You Were Created To Be.