03 Oct One liners and Comebacks
by Dr. Thomas Lickona
The following is an excerpt from a book entitled Sex, Love and You by Dr. Thomas Lickona and is re-printed with permission.
“How do you say no with words? Saying no often requires more than a one-word answer. It’s important to be psychologically prepared for the “lines” that someone may use to pressure you to have sex. Remember, a line demands a comeback that can put an end to the pressure once and for all and really communicate your strong “No”.
Here are some comebacks for some of the standard lines:
“Don’t you love me?”
“I love you enough to say no.”
“If you really loved me, you would.”
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t ask. If you really care about somebody, you don’t pressure them to do something they don’t want to do.
“Everybody’s doing it.”
“Everybody but not me.”
“Really, everybody’s doing it.”
“Then you shouldn’t have any trouble finding somebody else.”
“Don’t you find me attractive?”
“I find you very attractive. I like you a lot. That’s why I don’t want to wreck our relationship by getting too physical.”
“I’ll stop whenever you say.”
“How about right now?”
“I love you.”
“Then please prove it by respecting my values.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“I’m waiting for the person I will marry.”
“Are you repressed or something?”
“No. I’m free, free from the pressure to have sex before I get married.”
“Sex isn’t a big deal.”
“It’s a big deal to me, a big deal to my future husband, and a big deal to God � and I made a promise to wait.”
Although girls can and do often lead guys on, in our experience guys are more likely to use these kinds of lines to get sex. And, sadly many a girl has fallen for them. A girl may find it hard to believe that a boy is lying when he says, seemingly with great sincerity, “I love you”.
If you’re a girl, you need to know two things: (1) If a boy puts any kind of pressure on you to go farther than you want to go, it shows he loves himself, not you; he’s interested only in his pleasure, and he’ll sacrifice your physical and emotional welfare to get it; and (2) many guys will lie through their teeth, say anything, and do whatever else they have to do to get sex.
Here is one guy who openly admits this:
“I learned to maneuver my opponent into a position where she couldn’t say no. If I sensed there was a moral dilemma in her mind, I would play any role necessary to reach the point where sex becomes inevitable.”
Rehearse your lines and dress the part (modestly). Learn how to say “No” with your body, words and behavior. Remember, saying “No” is the best way to say “I love you”.
There’s a simple love test: You say “no”. Does he leave you? (a college student)