Moms’ Group -Session #7

26 Sep Moms’ Group -Session #7

SESSION #7 – TEACHING THE  VIRTUE OF SINCERITY

Task: Imagine that you have something extremely difficult to tell your boss or your husband – maybe that you had broken or lost something of great value to that person. What could your boss/husband say or do in order for it to be more easy for you to tell them your story? What would be the best situation for you to open up in? Take 10 min. and list as many ideas as possible.

Possible Answers:

– that he take the time to listen and not be distracted with other things or people

• that he not rush me

• that he be willing to listen until I am done and not interrupt

• that he not pre-judge the situation until he has heard all the facts

• that he stay calm throughout and be understanding – not get angry too quickly

• that his words and body language convey a willingness to listen and understand

• that he not reject me for my misdeed

• that he empathize with me

• that he not over-react

• that it be something that he would never let me forget

• that he would not give consequences that are unfair

• that he help me to put it in perspective and that it’s not the end of the world ….

Discuss the answers and then present some of the ideas below.

Notice how we really need to feel accepted and cared for before, during and after the whole incident. It makes a big difference in how open we are and how willing we are to tell the truth. We are so caught up in our offense and how the other person will react that we are in many ways fearful of telling the truth. The mood, qualities and approach of the other person to whom we are talking to make a big difference in how easily we will speak about our problems.

Our wish is that our children will always tell us the truth and always come to us when they have problems, delicate questions and worries. Too often we can jump the gun and pre-judge the situation, cut them off, overreact or rush them. We may even punish them for telling us the offense they committed. In view of our own exercise just carried out, we should reflect on whether we are really promoting the virtue of sincerity in our children.

Sincerity is the ability to disclose the right amount of information to the right person at the right time. In the early years of child development, that person should be the parents. We need to monitor ourselves to make sure we are creating conditions for honesty in our house. We have to help our children realize that their sincerity is wonderful and much appreciated. In order to do this, they should realize that we will punish them for lying, but deal with them fairly for telling the truth. Most young children do not try to lie in order to deceive their parents, but rather fail to tell the truth because they fear for themselves. They feel pushed into a corner where they fear no way out, except telling a lie. Be careful then what messages you are sending to your children. They should feel happy to tell the truth, even though it hurts, because they know you will listen, will understand and will help them to overcome their difficulties in a supportive way.

Other aspects of sincerity we can teach young children include:

• help your children to learn the correct words for various things, feelings, events etc. Develop their ability to communicate so they can express themselves more easily and clearly.

• Help them to understand their abilities and qualities so that they know themselves well and how they can put themselves at the service of others.

• Help them to accept their limitations and defects. The aim is not results, but effort. Help them to have a sporting spirit towards improving themselves. We all need to be honest with ourselves and others about where we’re at, what we can and cannot do and what kind of help we need.

• Explain more the reasons for what you ask of your children so they can sincerely respond for the sake of improving themselves and not just pleasing you. Therefore stress the positive angle (those aspects that offer chance for improvement) and consider the negative elements only in relation to those same chance of improvement

• help kids to see things as they really are, that different people can see things from different angles and still be telling the truth

• when asking for the truth, help kids stick to the facts rather than their opinions

• believe that sincerity is an absolute priority – you want to hear of your children’s disobedience and the reason for it from your children, rather than hear it from someone else and punish him for disobeying you.

• Encourage children to talk about themselves, their day, their interests, their perceptions etc. to help them learn to communicate regularly and easily.

• Provide a private space where you can have important one-on-one conversations without interruption, distraction or commentary from others.

• As a parent, work at having a calm demeanor or “poker face” no matter what is the child conveys to you. Maintain your eye contact, keep your tone of voice calm and don’t be impatient to have your child speak if you are in a rush. This requires sacrifices on your part, but a good investment in your child’s confidence in sharing with you difficult matter.

Basically then help them to

– think before they act

• distinguish between fact and opinions

• distinguish what is really important

• understand who should be told what

• decide when is the best moment

• understand the reasoning behind the distinctions

• learn from their mistakes and try to improve

• be a real friend and don’t gossip

• do your own work and be happy with your own effort. Try not to be somebody else

• accept responsibility for your actions

• make small goals for yourself

• to say the truth even though it hurts

• when you are sincere, people can trust you

• your parents and teachers are there to help you. Have confidence in them.

• Say only good things of others

• Don’t make excuses for yourself. Be willing to accept responsibility.

• Don’t tattletale.

• Keep your promises and commitments.