13 Feb Constantly Loving
12 Ways to Show Your Husband He’s #1 in Your Life:
On your wedding day, you chose to dedicate the rest of your life to showing this one man how much you love and honor him. Every day, show him how much you mean it. Rise above your feelings that go all over the map to make that decision. Choose love. Live love. In little details. Remember the greatest love is shown when you lay down your life for the person you love. Stay true to your wedding day vows and put more love into what you do to make it more meaningful.
- Welcome him home with warmth and delight. Freshen your makeup, squirt some perfume on and greet him with a big hug and kiss when he walks in the door. Every man likes to come home to people who light up when they see him. Get your kids excited that dad is coming. Really make an effort that he sees the pleasure you derive from having him arrive – in your tone of voice, your facial expression, your appearance and your behavior. You will teach your kids so much about your values, priorities and relationship through this key moment of the day.
- Look great. Take great care in your personal grooming to look terrific – feminine, attractive, appealing. Men are wired quite differently than women and so much goes in through the senses. Be aware of that and don’t let your appearance slip for anything. You must always remain the apple of his eye, no matter what your budget, lifestyle or work at hand may be. There are many pretty women out there, but his eyes should be on you. Wrap yourself up beautifully each day by taking care of your hairstyle, clothing and makeup. You are an attractive woman and certainly dress for success with your husband. Your best outfit is your wedding ring. Know he loves every inch of you and let him enjoy your unique beauty.
- Compliment your husband often on his strengths in front of the children. People in strong families care deeply for each other and let each other know this on a regular basis. Focus more on your husband’s strengths than his defects. He loves it when you admire him the way you did when you were dating. Be his cheerleader! You may be the only one, next to his mom. Accept him the way he is – a masterpiece in progress. Too often we zoom in with our microscope on all that’s not working right. Throw the microscope out and start looking at the man you love. Verbalize many times your appreciation for his manliness, his achievements, his help, his support. No husband is perfect, but the more you treat him like your knight in shining armor, the more he will try to be better. Every enduring marriage involves an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. Don’t forget that. He needs your respect! Give it unconditionally and transform him.
- Thank your husband often for the little and big things he does for you and the kids. It nourishes him deeply to know his efforts are appreciated. Way too often we take our husband for granted because we are focused on the kids or ourselves. Giving sincere thanks builds a positive atmosphere where bonds of emotional connection are nurtured. Go all out in honoring him regularly and especially on his birthday, your anniversary and Father’s Day – decorate, make a great meal, have the kids make pictures highlighting why they think Dad is such a hero, put up photos from past memorable events, recount the things you love most about him. How much this will strengthen your marriage, teach the kids what a fine father they have and concretize the incredible worth of a great man!
- Plan dates with your husband. He’s often so busy with work, he can’t take care of the details. Make it easier for him. Book the day and time, get the babysitter and plan an outing that would make you both happy. It could be expensive like going to the theater or dirt cheap like going for a walk and grabbing some dessert. It could even be staying at home and watching a great movie together when the kids are in bed. Just realize you need time alone together away from the house and kids. He needs to see you not only love him, but like him, enjoy him, want to be with him. Get into the habit early in your marriage and you will reap tremendous rewards later.
- Leave little love notes around the house where only he will find them. For example cut out a dozen hearts and write things like, “You are my hero”; “I appreciate how hard you work to take care of me”; “Your smile is absolutely beautiful”; “My heart is totally yours” etc. Your husband needs your admiration and affection. You will starve him by not providing them. Don’t sabotage your love life by your criticisms. Rather find a million and one ways to show you admire him, like him, appreciate him. Plant a love note inside his napkin for his lunch – even something as cute as “Peekaboo, I love you” will put a smile on his face and warm his heart for you. Send a text or GIF that warms his heart anytime over your cell phone. Choose to love and overlook what irritates.
- Cook meals that he particularly enjoys on days where you find he needs a lift. The old line, “The way to a man’s heart is his stomach” is still true. Learn to cook and have on hand what he really enjoys—whether it be main courses, desserts, munchies or just a beer. That added touch of thinking about him will mean a lot to him, even if you have to juggle the budget a bit to pull it off once in a while. He needs to know his needs are not swept under the rug of his children’s needs.
- Make yourself more available for your husband. Realize his preference is probably side-by-side bonding (watching a sport, program, being in the car, walking, etc), quietly, without much talking. Just being together speaks volumes to him. He so enjoys you hanging out with him the way you used to when you were dating. Allow times like this to happen and be willing to “waste time” with him to feed his love tank.
- Put aside the money to go for an overnight, even if it’s in an inexpensive nearby motel. Take time to go out for supper, hold hands, walk together, share your life together. You must keep the romance very high in your marriage and be deliberate in being a lover. Never pinch your money so tightly that you deny something so essential to the growth of your marriage. Find a relative, trusted friend or a family to take your kids in for the night. If kids learn young that you put your marriage as a high priority, they will not be adversely affected by having someone look after them for a night. Your marriage needs to be amazing advertising for the life you wish for your kids. So set it a priority to meet his deepest needs. Be his girlfriend, his lover, his soulmate. Grow in this area, out of love, with sacrifice, because you made a decision to give yourself completely on your wedding day. Become the woman he dreams of and live your marriage more purposefully.
- In front of your children, be willing to show your husband great affection – – hugs, kisses, holding hands, neck massage, sitting arm in arm on the couch, etc. Keep it within limits but let them see how two people love each other. Behind closed doors, be generous with your affections for your husband. Don’t be passive. Your husband wants you to desire him. He wants you to enjoy this moment. His brain is wired differently from you and his physical passions are strong because of his high levels of testosterone. For him, physical intimacy brings him to emotional intimacy with you. Your hormones are different. You need emotional intimacy to prepare yourself for physical intimacy. Both of you need to make sacrifices for the love you have for each other. Overcome your tiredness and lack of interest to really please him. Don’t starve his need for your physical love. The more you seek to give of yourself to your husband, the happier you will find yourself.
- Make an effort to hang around couples who have successful marriages. Find them, get to know them and spend time with them. It will help you a lot when you are on the bumpy part of your marriage. You need their friendship, their example and advice to weather the storms every marriage faces. They will help you a lot to stay faithful to your vows. We all benefit from positive peer pressure.
- Pray for your husband, about your husband and with your husband. Prayer is the most powerful tool you have to make your marriage a “10”, especially when you pass through the bumpy and sometimes critical moments of your life together. Realize God will help you through anything, as long as you ask. Learn to lean on Him on good times and He will be there much more strongly in difficult times. God revealed himself as Love. So ask Him constantly to put His love in your heart so you can love with His love when you don’t feel loving. You will be amazed at the miracles He will bring.
TAP INTO MORE: Realize you and your husband approach relationship building differently. You may like self-help resources, whereas he usually does not. My suggestion then is to do book audibles or podcasts that transmit info quickly and flex around busy work schedules.
“The Five Love Languages“ by Gary Chapman
A national bestseller that helps you find out how your spouse really wants to be loved by you in a constant way. Well worth picking up for an excellent, easy and constructive read. My husband loved the audio. Sit with your spouse over a cup of tea and ask the questions at the back of the book to draw major insights into what makes your spouse tick. Check out all the resources offered at the Five Love Language website and podcasts.
“The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse“ By Art and Laraine Bennett
A worthwhile read to compliment the previous book. Between them both, you will quickly build a stronger relationship by understanding, respecting and loving the temperament your spouse has and also tweak your temperament relationship in the correct manner. A must read along with the other book, The Temperament God Gave You.
“Love and Respect” By Emmerson Eggerichs
A very insightful read on how to meet the needs of the wife and the husband more easily. New York Times best seller. The podcasts are exceptional. Much available at his website.
“The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages“, “For Women Only” and “For Men Only” by Shaunti and/or Jeff Feldhahn
Researched gems on how to understand your spouse’s very different needs and what will deeply satisfy them. Available in book, audio and DVD. Super worthwhile and eye-opening. Podcasts are great.
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