Mr. Right???

22 Nov Mr. Right???

The purpose of dating is to find Mr. Right – the one man you can spend the rest of your life with in marriage. What kind of guy would Mr. Right be? He would be someone who chooses you, who is willing to wait for you, not pressure you, cherish you and do what’s best for you. He is willing to commit to you in a public manner and tell the world, “Hands off. She’s all mine!” Yes, that’s right. You want to marry a real man who can cherish you in every way.

How will you know you are dating that man? First of all, he’s a real man who is willing to respect you and wait for you to give yourself fully as gift on your wedding day. He’s willing to set aside his testosterone urges to honor you, win you and wait for you. That is the real test, if he can put your good ahead of his own desires, he’s worthy. True love knows how to sacrifice.  Sex should not push the relationship. Actually it stifles it because you live at the level of passions rather than for each other’s ultimate good.  So back off in this department and see if he’s willing to stick around.

Focus instead on befriending. See how many interests, values and dreams you share? Could he have what it takes to be Mr. Right? It’s certainly not just outward appearance or his pay check!  What inner qualities are you looking for? Give this some serious thought. What comes to mind when you think of the kind of person you wish the father of your future children to be? What qualities do you wish he will have? These are two simple questions I have addressed to young women who are dating, as a way to help them articulate what Mr. Right could look like.

Here are their answers:

– Caring – responsible – handy – not a workaholic – patient – persevering – courageous – helpful – honest – generous – a good example – sporting spirit – supportive – faithful – prayerful – loving – trustworthy – considerate – disciplined – selfless – doting – kind – reassuring – self-controlled – gentle – open-minded – tech-savvy – giving – fun – strong moral principles – forgiving – sense of humor – protective – hardworking – respectful – loves children – adventurous – loyal – reliable – playful – dedicated – creative – interacting – good communicator- dependable

Wow! That’s quite the list!  For sure no man will have it all in fullness, but it is so good to clarify traits you are looking for. You could probably add more to the above list. Certainly, devise your own personalized list. Go even further. Take the time to prioritize the qualities you think are most important. Write them down. What are the fantastic five you are looking for?  Have them handy for future reference.

Now, do your detective work. Determine if these five qualities are habits in his mind, heart or actions. Take your time. Are they present? Are the good habits in place, and to what degree?  Observe, listen and seek ways to validate your judgements.  Get to know his friends, his family, his work colleagues etc. Dig deeper and get to know the real guy. We are the sum of our habits. Yes we can always improve. But habits only change over a long time. Get to know your boyfriend through a variety of situations and you will be in a better position to judge whether this could be Mr. Right.  Listen to your heart. Use your head. Love thinks. Weigh what your friends and family tell you about your prospective man. They care too much for you to be taken in by a fool. You want to marry the man who will bring heaven down to earth for you. He should be your best friend and share your deepest values. You want a man, not a big boy, not a fixer upper.  Have your standards. Stick by them. Choosing your Mr. Right is one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. Seek quality. He will not be perfect, but have standards. Work on the friendship. You want someone who really compliments you in many ways.  Be whole and seek someone else who is whole. That will truly make a love that will last. Be patient. He is worth waiting for.

It helps you to think not only of the here and now, but of your future. Who is worthy of becoming the father of your children?? Smart love thinks! It cannot be blinded by passion. You don’t want to live for the moment. You don’t want to accumulate so many heartaches that you become desperate for any one. You do want to live for a lifetime together. Think not just of yourself, but of your future children. It puts a whole different twist on finding Mr. Right.  Until he comes into your life, enjoy being you. Find happiness in yourself. Be your best self. Enjoy living because each day is a treasure. You can be whole and happy on your own.  When you finally meet Mr. Right, he will add even more to your life and you will have found your match.