Kids and Sexuality: Your Input

26 Sep Kids and Sexuality: Your Input

• Definitely start young with age-appropriate explanations and expand on it as they get older. Try to be the first one to tell them so they hear it from you and not the others, even if it means the child is younger than you wish. Watch for signs like the movies their friends are seeing – that contain sexual material because those kids will tell them stuff. Also, girls with older sisters will know more and perhaps not explain it the way you wish it to be explained.If my children say something like “oh, they are dating”- I ask “what do you mean by “dating”. You will be surprised by their answer as it is usually more innocent than what we think and then it gives us the right starting point to talk to them from.There are a lot of good books for teens with dating questions and discussing human love.
  Do You Really Love Me? By Jason Evert
  Did Adam and Eve have Bellybuttons? and 99 Other Questions by Matthew J. Pinto
  The Every Young Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge
  The ABCs of Finding a Good Husband by Stephen Wood. Helena
• Encourage and pray for friendships with like-minded kids.  If their friends are pure then they will fit into their crowd.  And never underestimate the power of chaperoning/ supervision – trust is never a given when hormones are active. Theresa
• Be aware of how your teenage female babysitters dress if you have girls and encourage them to dress modestly. Little boys won’t notice things like low-cut shirts or bare tummies, but even very young girls will and if they don’t see many other teenagers, will assume that’s how one dresses as a teenager. Meg
• Sexuality and kids … no magazines. No sexy movies (if I can help it). Frank talk. It is not real. Mass, it grounds them. Sports/exercise it makes them work and feel good about themselves, deep within, feel strong. I like this quote” Stop worrying about your shape, and worry about the shape that you are in.” Especially for the girls but also for boys. Find unmarried people for role models. Not everyone has to be married to be a fulfilled person who contributes to society. I try to have my kids be happy with themselves as individuals, not joined to someone else…not an easy task. It is like swimming upstream. Karen
• When the girls are little (under age 12) occasionally when I see a photograph of a model in skimpy clothing, or someone makes a comment about short skirts, etc… I’ll pass a comment along the lines of “I wouldn’t want any of my girls looking like that…”. The comment should be brief and made very simply so that no one feels that Dad is angry, or “laying down the law”.  Judging by their reaction, the girls seem to understand immediately that Dad is expressing a preference for a standard, a standard that appeals to their natural sense of modesty.  I think they feel that I take pride in them and that they can take pride in themselves by dressing modestly.  The beauty of this approach is that it reinforces a sense modesty when they are still very young, very open and in circumstances where none of them are being corrected.Something else that is important for the kids to hear (boys and girls) is Dad complimenting Mom when Mom puts on her Sunday best or gets dressed up to go out for dinner.  The kids will actually stop to look at Mom to see what Mom is wearing.  The comment (compliment) expresses a standard, one that appeals to Dad, and one that appeals to them, too, when they turn and see Mom wearing a nice outfit.  They will actually say things such as: “Wow, that looks nice Mom.”  It doesn’t involve correcting anybody for misbehavior, or lecturing them on what is expected.  Kids, especially young kids, are very simple.  And with all simplicity they get the message – dressing well is important and appealing. Michael
• We try to be good examples of modesty. We try to be consistent in our clothing and entertainment choices. And we monitor the kid’s movie/entertainment choices etc… We try to have talks with the boys if a situation arises. We ask a lot of questions about all kinds of things — keep the communication going. Like the laundry we do it in small steps — and you always have to be on top of it. Chris
• I don’t have kids myself, so I can only pass on what my own parents did for us, 5 kids. They didn’t tell us not to do this or that so much as they encouraged us to read good literature, watched movies with us and discussed them with us afterward, taught us to appreciate music and art, to enjoy traveling and making friends in different parts of the world.  They also taught us siblings to look out and be responsible do each other.  In other words, they gave us good culture and ideas. I think you can’t tell a young person not to look at/ listen to/do this or that bad thing without at the same time handing him or her something positive and fulfilling to do instead … something that involves their mind and heart and causes them to exert a bit of effort.  Also, this approach works with kids of all ages and for all kinds of situations, not just for teaching purity.  Maria
• Start early with simple little references to the wonder of new babies etc. and keep talking all the way through until they leave home – then they will feel open to asking questions from you instead of people on the outside.- never, never let them watch those teens TV shows that show flirting and indecency between the sexes and awaken a desire to kiss etc. It is human nature to absorb and to feel that sexual pull when they are in puberty themselves.   Dianne
• I have two teenage girls who have really taken in a lot of good teaching done in a “cool” way through the DVD they have watched about chastity with Jason and Crystalina Evert called Romance Without Regret. They have also read Jason’s book called “Pure Love” and the oldest daughter has used it to supplement talks she’s had with her close friends at university. Theresa
• John Paul II’s Theology of the Body has helped immensely with discussing sexuality with our kids.  I’m hoping to have them take the TOB for teens seminar. My teenage son, after listening to Christopher West, said he could see that in the search for true love/intimacy that people are being tricked by the counterfeits presented by society. Shelley
• As a young adult who looks forward to marriage, I would say the following to parents. Start young. Monitor the media at all ages and stages. Have kids develop discipline in different areas, like sports, schoolwork, work etc. They can transfer habits of self-discipline into the areas of sexuality. For teenagers, give them some freedom on less important issues. Don’t micromanage and flip out over everything. Treat them as young adults, instead of big kids. Give them responsibility. Explain that the purpose of dating is marriage. Realize that the biggest influence is the example of your marriage. Kids need to see that it is not a stale relationship; that it is attractive, fulfilling, romantic, vibrant, etc. This has an astronomically bigger impact over any lecture you can give on sexuality. When parents put each other first before the kids, then kids will see marriage as attractive, cool and desirable. They will be more willing to wait and understand how worthwhile it will be. Gerhard
• My parents never talked to me directly about “the birds and the bees”, but I grew up with very strong family bonds, much love and respect for my parents, and a great sense of family honor. I knew what my parent’s expectations were for me and was reluctant to let them down. I realize nowadays that I have to explain more to my kids because the culture has changed a lot, but I still feel it critical to work at having very strong and loving bonds between family members. I think that still plays a bigger factor than just knowledge. Mary Anne