Family Rules: The Power of “We”

10 Jan Family Rules: The Power of “We”

By James Stenson. Reprinted with permission.

In a unified healthy family, parents teach conscience and character to children mostly by example and directed practice. Therefore the rules of the family all begin with the word We …

1. We respect the rights and feelings of everyone. 

• We do not engage in name-calling or put-downs.
• We do not use foul language or profanity.
• We say to everyone: please, thank you, I’m sorry, I give my word.
• We do not interrupt; we wait t talk. (Not interrupting parents when they are with others, either personally or on the phone, unless the matter is urgent– and then we say, “Excuse me, please…”
• We do not talk back when corrected.
• We do not make promises lightly; but if we do, we keep our word.
• We treat appointments and deadlines as binding promises; if we cannot kep them, despite our best efforts, we render sincere apology.
• We respect each other’s privacy and personal property; we knock before entering a closed room, get prior permission before borrowing.
• We do not bicker or quarrel at the dinner table.
• We do not gossip about people, or otherwise talk negatively about people behind their backs.
• We mind our own business; we stay out of matters that do not concern us.
• We greet adults with good manners and a firm handshake.
• We give guests the best of what we have.
• We practice good telephone manners, and thus bring honor to our family.
• If we have offended, we apologize–even if we did not mean to give offense. We put justice and charity ahead of our pride.
• If someone renders an apology to us, we accept it — for it is dishonorable to refuse to make peace.

2.  We all contribute to make our home an attractive, civilized and efficiently run place to live.

• We enter the hosue with clean footwear only; if we accidentally make a mess, we clean it up
• Males do not wear hats or caps indoors.
• We do not return a car home with less than a quarter tank of gas.
• We do not slam doors; if we do so by accident, we say, “I’m sorry …”
• We do not bring “outdoor activities” indoors: running, ball playing, missile throwing, roughhouse wrestling, unreasonable shouting.
• We do not shout messages from one room to another; we walk to wherever someone is and then deliver the message in a normal voie.
• We do not consume food or drink in bedrooms. No eating outside kitchen, dining room and recreation room.
• We do not overindulge in food or drink; no unauthorized eating between meals.
• We hang up clothing when not in use; all clothing is in one of three places– on us, in closets and dressers, or in laundry for cleaning.
• We lay out clothes at night for the next morning.
• If old enough to do so, we make our own beds in the morning.
• We put playthings and tools away when not in use.
• If we have eaten off or drunk out of something–then we rinse or wash it and put it where it belongs.
• If we have borrowed something, we return it to where it belongs; if we have lost or borrowed item, we either replace it or pay for it.
• We fulfill “house responsibilties” (chores) promptly and to the best of our ability. This includes assignments for school.
• We can all make suggestions (“input”) about many things in family life, but parents make decisions in serious matters.
• We do not aim for “results” but rather for personal best effort.

3. We give people information they need to carry out their responsibilities. 

• When we go out, we always inform: Where? With whom? When return?
• If we are going to be late, we call.
• We get prior permission, with at least one day’s notice, for sleepovers, camping trips, and the like. Insufficient notice may mean no permission.
• We come straight home from school, except with prior permission.
• We bring home all new friends and introduce them to our parents.
• We return from social events at a reasonable hour, one that has been previously agreed upon.
• We take phone messages intelligently: name of caller, time called, phone number of caller (if applicable), gist of message (if any), name or initials of person who took the call.
• In general, we avoid “unpleasant surprises” in the family.

4.  We use the media to promote family life and welfare; we do not permit the media to work against family life and welfare. 

• We have nothing in the home that offends our moral principles and treats people like mere objects (materialism): this means no pornography, no gratuitous violence, no depictions of rudeness or gross vulgarity. This pertains to TV, movis, video-games, internet, music lyrics, posters, etc.
• We will watch media together: sports, high quality programs, news, documentaries, movies, etc.
• We do not watch shows on school nights … unless we watch together as noted above.
• If we squabble over what is being watched, we get one warning to stop; if problems persist, the activity is terminated.
• We keep use of the phone under reasonable control: no calls during supper or homework or after 10pm.;  no outgoing calls after 9:30pm except for emergencies; calls limited to 15 minutes.
• We devote most of family life to healthy work and play, not glued to a screen. We spend our time in conversation, reading, study, chores, hobbies and games–getting to know and appreciate each other in the few precious years we have together as a family.

5. We love and serve God above all things; we thank Him and ask His help for our needs and those of others. 

• We thank God b worshipping Him together on Sunday.
• We dress well for church–because God is more important than anyone, and we give Him our very best.
• We pray before meals and bedtme and on other special occasions. God lives in our family, not just in church.
• We treat clergy with respect, gratitude and affection…and we pray for them and their needs.
• We pray for each other, for the church, and for all those in need.
• We rely on God’s help to forgive our sins and lead us to surpass our limitations.
• We are always conscious that God is watching over us with His fatherly protection…and our lives thus become a sporting adventure.

These rules are excerpted from Lifeline: The Religious Upbringing of Your Children by James Stenson.