11 Jan Give Yourself a Major Boost
Years ago I read something that really struck a chord with me. An author said that the deepest longing of a woman is to be cherished. Did that ever resound within the depths of my being! How much we girls long to be noticed, cared for, valued, chosen and appreciated!!!! Sadly, many women of all ages buy into the hype that this should come totally from a guy. Whether young or old, too many gals drop their standards, are desperate to be noticed, give their intimacy with no hesitation and gather baggage along the way. Or, on the flip side, they might have the self-respect to wait for Mr. Right by protecting their intimacy, but live in a handicapped manner because they live as if happiness will arrive the day he walks into their lives and they get married. Both approaches sadly miss the mark because we are made to be happy each day, to be happy with ourselves as we are and to strive for greater happiness in just being our best selves day by day. Happiness comes from within. It is a by-product of right decisions.
A woman’s emotional needs are as broad and deep as an ocean. No one person can fill her. To expect that or dream about that stifles her true calling and ability to be a cherished soul who was made to cherish others. This can be done in so many ways that do not involve sexual encounters.
Men and women are wired very differently. Women’s brains are wired for relationship, caring, nurturing, understanding, sharing, talking, giving, and receiving in a way that usually surpasses that of men. Even women’s bodies are designed to potentially give and nourish life. Basically, women come equipped with a built in relationship manual for emotional intimacy that longs to be put into action, developed, fine-tuned and enjoyed.
You long to be cherished and may limit your horizons by defining that it comes solely from Mr. Right. However, broaden your vision. Realize that you are already cherished by family members, relatives, and friends. You may have had coaches, teachers and mentors who already believe in you and bring out the best in you. You are valuable and people do cherish you. Don’t beat yourself up that you are lacking because you don’t have a boyfriend or perfect husband. Rather deepen your bonds and actually get out there and make more friends who understand and prize you for being who you are.
Women click with other women because we are made the same, understand each other and want to be valued. Start befriending more people. It begins with having your head up, your eyes open and a smile for some gal in your midst. You need to break the ice with some small talk and develop a rapport that gradually develops into a friendship if you can continue to cross paths. You can meet these women, who can be older or younger, through shared interests, common hobbies, places of work, neighborhoods, community functions, family gatherings etc. Get out of your shell and tap into great relationships that will emotionally nurture and feed you. How great to go for a hike with a friend, catch a movie together or relax over tea. Take the strain off of feeling emotionally low in your life by hanging out with great gals who lift you and inspire you to be the best you can be.
We all need friends, especially when we are single. Friends cheer us on, support us in good times and bad, provide a listening ear, a much needed hug, light up with our encounter and get excited to hear our news. Facebook and other social networks are okay, but we need real time, face to face time, voice to voice time. This is what will give us great mental and emotional health. Stay in touch with girlfriends from school days, no matter where they now live. That phone call, face time or yearly visit can bridge the distance and fill our love tanks in such special ways.
Although I am married and have 10 children, I have made a conscious effort to take care of myself by being with girlfriends either by phone or for a walk on a monthly basis. The conscious deliberate effort to stay in touch has helped us overcome distance, deepen our relationship and be there for each other in ways that deeply matter. We laugh, we cry, we overcome our feelings of loneliness, even though we may live with others. Why not do the same? Call an old friend. Enjoy the conversation and catch up. Before the call ends, arrange the next call while your calendar is free. Do it once, do it twice and foster that friendship. How valuable this is. Good friends are sometimes hard to find. Don’t allow yourself to give into loneliness, self-pity, discouragement or sadness. Make friends. Develop the qualities that make you a true and loyal friend. Happiness comes from a gift of self to others. Watch how much happiness your friendships bring into your life!
We were never designed that one person could complete us as women. No man, nor woman, nor children, can completely fill our deepest desires. We were made by God (who is LOVE), for God and only He can totally nourish us when we discover, befriend and fall in love with Him.
Life is a journey. Definitely tap into God and along the way, do make many girl friends of many ages. We have so much in common. Avoid competition. Develop co-operation and collaboration. Kindness overcomes many obstacles. Words of encouragement nurture. Gestures of care console. Time together bonds us. We can boost each other to weather many storms in life and provide oasis in times of desert. Consider volunteering too to let your talents and energies be of service to those in need. You will grow so much through volunteer work, especially with those who are marginalized (sick, elderly, disabled, poor, etc.) Volunteering enriches you in major ways to be a more loving person.
Build your relationships, grow in happiness and become whole. This is the magic that will help you as a single woman attract a Mr. Right. Your genuine joy and deep happiness in being you, with no desperation, no dropped standards and no mind games. Wholeness attracts wholeness; and, a man and a woman who are each whole and called to forever love will truly find marriage to be a path of growth, happiness and contentment because their union is healthy and strong.
I encourage you to check out these amazing reads that fill your emotional tanks and equip you to be the most loving woman you are meant to be.
Love: As a Way of Life by Gary Chapman
5 Love Languages of Single People by Gary Chapman
Perfectly Yourself by Matthew Kelly
Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly
The Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine
Virtuous Leadership: An Agenda for Personal Excellence by Alexandre Havard
Created for Greatness by Alexandre Havard
The Male Factor by Shaunti Feldhahn (great advice on working with men)
Through A Man’s Eyes by Shaunti Feldhahn (super important read about how we affect men)
Make Your Bed by Admiral William McRaven