Benefits of a Large Family

When mom and dad welcome children into their lives and focus on creating a cheerful and loving home, they can achieve so much for their children:

• BEING LOVED: Rather than being loved by just mom and dad, children have the added love of each of their siblings. When those relationships are fostered, a strong sense of belonging develops. This helps children to find the validation and love they desperately want, and decreases their need to seek it outside the family in questionable places.
• MANY OPPORTUNITIES: Being loved by numerous family members allows children to engage with family members that are older, younger and in-between. There is lots of opportunity for sub-groups to form where a child develops deeper relationships through play, friendship etc.
• RICH SOCIAL INTERACTION: As a result, children learn to deal with siblings that are older, younger, with different temperaments, personalities, genders, stages, and abilities. It makes for a very rich data base of on-going learning and experience from birth throughout life. Being family, they have a higher comfort level for social development and truly being themselves.
• DEEP SENSE OF BELONGING: A large family needs the contribution of each of its members to keep going. Mom and dad are not supermen. Kids need to pitch in. They not only feel needed, they know they ARE needed and this validates their belonging and self-worth in many ways.
• FOCUS ON FAMILY: Once parents are outnumbered, it becomes increasingly more difficult to entertain each individual with individualized sports, programs, etc. This makes sense because time, finances, resources and drivers are limited. Rather than think this is a deficit of large families, it becomes a great spur to focussing on family meals, family traditions, family activities, family time together. This focus adds depth, strength and purpose to each member and the family as a whole. Everyone becomes family and home-oriented and not looking elsewhere. This also makes life much more simple.
• FAMILY HONOR AND IDENTITY: As a result of the constant interplay of family members through purposeful daily living, children develop a strong sense of family identity. When the family is harmonious, children seek to uphold family honor outside the home because they treasure their roots and wish to make their loved ones proud of their behaviour.
• NOT ALONE: With so many people to play with, talk to and do something with, kids in large families don’t often feel lonely. They come home and have people to immediately connect with. This puts their hearts homebound. They look for their joys at home and are less inclined to feel pulled outwards.
• CHARACTER FORMING: Life with so many family members certainly builds character because each one must realize they are not centre of the universe. People have to learn to wait, to share, to forgive, to love, to earn, to appreciate, to give and to live in a way that the common good is upheld and personal compromise may be expected. The twists and turns of family life build character in each person as they are asked to think more of others than themselves and contribute to the well-being of the whole.
• WISE WAYS: A large family must learn ways to stretch its budget to meet the needs of its members. Members learn to take better care of their belongings, do without, make use of hand-me-downs, second hand items and so forth. Smart spending, saving and prioritizing takes place regularly. The family becomes resourceful in neither expecting immediate gratification, nor “keeping up with the Jones’”. They thereby equate their self-worth with what’s on the inside, rather than being caught up in only externals. Nothing is wasted.
• MULTIPLY JOYS: More family members multiply the joys for each. There is always someone to turn to. More people celebrate your life, especially on your birthday, special occasions and sporting events. Each expresses love for you uniquely, unrepeatably and so specially. The family becomes a lifelong cheerleader for each member.
• DIVIDE SORROWS: It is certainly easier to bear failure, disappointment, grief, sorrow and regret when we are supported by the physical, emotional, spiritual and actual presence of many family members. How much they help us to find hope, strength and optimism because they believe in us and are there when it matters most.
• LOVING ENVIRONMENT: Definitely a large family can become a sub-culture because of the rich, constant and busy interactions amongst members. When parents work to expose children to all that is true, good and beautiful, a rich cultural environment takes place in which they grow, are formed and blossom. Exposing them to like-minded families and individuals definitely augments this loving and formative environment where they feel supported, accepted and nurtured.
• VERY BUSY: No doubt large family living is hectic, intense, crazy and demanding. Parents need to have a sporting spirit, focus on the good that is there and create many fun opportunities for everyone to laugh, enjoy and connect. It is not healthy to constantly nag, draw attention to problems and correct all the time. Joy must be sown in family traditions, great memories, and time well spent together.
• LIFE SKILLS: As children get older and others are born, it becomes natural in a large family that children are asked to help. Whether it be to get a diaper, clean up a mess, tidy a room, or cook a meal, children are encouraged to lend a hand, be responsible and learn new skills. With each year passing, the repertoire grows. Children learn to take care of others in tangible ways and develop the life skills that will make leaving the nest easier on themselves.
• PLAY: Children surrounded by siblings have a rich childhood of play. Hours and hours of spontaneous play enraptures their youth. Parents don’t have to look elsewhere for playmates. When the kids are little, they explore, experiment, enjoy, create and develop many activities that capture the imagination and interest. Holidays and summer times become moments of engagement with those they love most in a lot of carefree timelessness. Large families have a wealth of play to offer their children, and it is not in the amount of toys, but the diversity and enjoyment of siblings.
• PRAY: Large families often have a deep faith and lean on God continually to help them through the ups and downs of life. Children are exposed to this lifestyle and as the years pass the parents actually become better at explaining, exemplifying and loving God more.
• EXPERIENCE: Large families afford parents the experience that comes with having children. The first child carries the highest expectations of parents and is in many ways the experimental model. The second learns so much from the example of the first. Parents adapt to juggling and have more realistic expectations. With subsequent children, they are more familiar with the ages and stages, as well as the approaches needed to educate them. Parents then tend to be more flexible, realistic, easy-going and can handle things better because they have the experience to put it into perspective. They also focus more on the joys of each stage and actually enjoy parenting more as the years go by because of this.
• CELEBRATION OF LIFE: The expectation of a new born child brightens up the lives of everyone in the family. A large family celebrates life so often, right from conception. Family becomes the most natural and most effective school in teaching about love, sexuality, life and the great worth of each individual. The awe and wonder of life achieves such a glow.
• EFFECTIVENESS: Large familes are constantly being challenged by the number of their children to develop better strategies in parenting. Parents often find they need to seek guidance, ask for help, and look for better approaches so they can more quickly remedy the problems they are experiencing. They learn that each child is different and that what worked for one, does not for the other. So they learn to adapt, adjust, try something different and keep trying until they achieve the desired results.
• MICRO to MACRO: Small families can devote enormous time to the little details of each person, micromanaging the moments towards success. Large families cannot do this. Rather than being a deficit, it permits individuals to assume more freedom, take on greater personal responsibility, learn from mistakes, accept non-perfect and focus more on the big picture. This breeds greater emotional health on everyone’s part. We learn to laugh at life and ourselves, put things in perspective and not expect perfect. When problems arise, parents can focus on the individual needing attention and then later give him the space to recalibrate.
• CLEAR BOUNDARIES: Because of the amount of children in the household, parents get better at setting realistic expectations, rules and boundaries along with clear consequences. Parents work to be more united so that children cannot manipulate one against the other.
• TIME MANAGEMENT: With such a busy and demanding life on the homefront, parents and family members work to time manage so that there is a good balance between social, professional, family and leisure activities. They constantly are assessing their priorities, looking for ways to achieve their aims. As a result, communication becomes critical, as well as discussion at family meetings, family meals etc. Though time is limited, much is achieved. It may not feel like that at times, but much is achieved.For sure, all these attributes can be achieved by smaller families. As well, not all large families necessarily have these characteristics. So much depends on the attitude, dedication and focus of the parents. Regardless, family is where we are called to love. We so deeply want to know that we are lovable. Our daily experience can confirm that we are loved. We move from I to You to We. Here within our family, we discover our humanity. What a blessing and treasure children are. The experience of a large family is a rich, engaging and dynamic interplay of individuals deeply imprinting each other. Truly, it is an adventure of a lifetime!