See the Different Angles

See the Different Angles

Marriage is an amazing adventure. It has all kinds of nooks and crannies to discover, many unforeseen hair-raising moments and all kinds of joys and beauties to experience. It is not Hollywood where people live happily ever after once they say “I do”.  We have to make a decision to make the love grow and develop the right habits to make things go more smoothly.   We can many times get exhausted, even fed up, after marinating too long in negativity from the ruts we are in.  A good dose of fresh air helps us breathe in goodness and lift our spirits.   We then have the incentive to begin again and see things in a better light.

After thirty-five plus years of marriage, I see that life, people and circumstances are constantly stretching me to grow in having better habits to be in a better mind-set so that my marriage and family life can thrive. I have definitely experienced lots of flat tires and am always on the look out for “repair shops” that will pump me up for the ride I face.  I am a huge fan of the research done by Shaunti Feldhahn in helping me better understand why I feel the way I do, and how come there seems to be a mismatch between my husband and I at different moments.  To tell you the truth, I grew up in with only sisters and went to an all girl highschool. That being said, getting married and soon having six boys was a big wake up call that guys see, experience and live life from a very different angle.  That line, “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” really resonated with me.  There was so much I just didn’t get and didn’t understand.  Today’s culture and entertainment do not really prepare us or help us deal with different angles we find in male-female relationships, especially ones that need to go the distance of a life time.

Men and women are not the same. They have equal value, but very different hard-wiring. Society does a lot of blurring of these roles and puts us in confusion. We can feel at odds with each other.   Marriage is about an intimate partnership of love, not a battlefront. We know what we want but don’t often know how to get there. We even sabotage our attempts without even realizing it.  Complaining, getting deflated, and being resentful happen, but also drain our limited reserves. We need to switch gears and find the right fuel to propel our relationship in healthier directions.   Men and women are different. Great relationships are possible. We need to learn the habits that will make us thrive and be fully alive. There are many excellent authors in this area worth looking into, John Gottman, Gary Chapman, and Emerson Eggerichs to name a few.  Shaunti Feldhahn is one I particularly enjoy. She does a great job  researching what men and women need in order for us to thrive more and complain less.   I encourage you to check out her resources. I’m a reader, so I love her books, especially For Women Only.  My husband has no time or interest to sit down and read For Men Only so I bought it as an audio for him and then together we listened to it on a long holiday trip. It actually opened up my eyes just as much as it did his!  Since then, this has been my standard go to as a wedding gift for couples getting married.

I have super enjoyed Shaunti’s approach to researching men and women to give us a contemporary understanding of their unique needs. To reach a wider audience more easily, she has now started podcasts and a blog to which I subscribe.  I love how she hits the nail on the head and articulates things so well.  She has posted a series of blog articles on marriage that I want you to have a peak at.  She gives such good advice that we don’t often see in mainstream journalism. We so need to soak in wholesome wisdom that really nurtures our most important relationship.  Enjoy these reads and please check out the other resources she offers. Share too with others. If we want the society to get healthier, we need to help men and women be realistic in finding the right paths to relational enrichment and avoid the ones that cause antagonism and breakdown. Shaunti is one author guiding us down the right path.

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