01 Feb I Want to Love You More
The greatest capacity a human being has is the ability to love. We crave to be loved, desire to want to love someone deeply and need to know we ourselves are lovable. Love gives meaning to our life. We seek it out. However, we can easily get frustrated or upset because at times it is not all that we hoped for. No person is perfect. Neither are we. We can get disappointed in love. Relationships do get messy. Love is not easy. However, we should not be quick to give up. Focusing on what’s wrong does not often bring the growth we desire. We must learn to push forward and bring about something much better.
Sometimes the most effective change is the one we make in ourselves. It might not even be big, but just a change in approach shown in little things. We need to learn to love better, more. Life calls us to growth, not stagnation. We cannot change others, but we can change ourselves and bring about the change in others by new habits we forge. We have a great capacity for love. Love is not confined to feelings. Love is shown by deeds, not just sweet words. When we choose to love in thought and action, our feelings will eventually follow. We can decide to love more. We can love others with their defects. Yes, we can if we want to and learn to. It is a decision of our will. We can take steps to improve our relationships by just making some adjustments. We can always love our parents, siblings, relatives, spouse, close friends and all those who touch our lives better. We were created to love. We are so much happier when we becoming more loving people. Certainly when our relationships improve, we benefit tremendously on all levels: emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual. Here are some superb resources to cultivate your capacities.
Please watch this 2.38 min video called Love You More. The scenario is common to many and it highlights how small loving deeds help relationships in a big way.
What Makes A Good Life is a TED Talk on the importance of relationships that might fuel your desire to make them more of a priority.
A free on-line assessment is available for you to learn your preferred style of loving. Maybe ask significant others to take the assessment as well to increase mutual understanding. We change as we age, so don’t assume anyone’s style is fixed in stone. We are works in progress and at different stages of life, our needs vary.
The weekly relationship tip from 5 Love Languages is worth subscribing to, as it helps us discover simple, easy ways to speak the love languages with all people we are in contact with. They even have mobile apps. A hectic lifestyle often drowns our good intentions. These reminders help us maintain our resolutions to grow in love and discover ways we had not previously considered.
All the different 5 Love Language books are very helpful. I highly recommend them, whether you are single, married or a parent. Though similar in theme, the books offer tailored advice on their particular topic. I have gleaned much insight from reading them. May you find them helpful. On the flipside, if you are struggling to forgive someone, consider reading some good books to help untie the knots within: 5 Love Languages of Apology assessment and book; Anger: Handling A Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way; Everybody Needs to Forgive Someone by Dr. Allen Hunt; or lastly, From Resentment to Forgiveness by Francisco Ugarte.
Another fantastic resource is the 30 days Kindness Challenge – an on-line daily reminder about how to be more kind to those around us. Superb, practical, insightful. For anyone. Even if you don’t follow through with the daily tasks, you will be coached how to be a better person and discover much about yourself and how you relate to people. Well worth doing.
Some of you have seen the movie Fireproof and have heard about the Love Dare Challenge – 40 days worth of simple suggestions to bridge the distance between married couples. Here is the jist of it to get you started. One husband desperate to save his marriage found this tool kit indispensable in helping his wife see how much he truly cared.
A great resource for Christian wives to tap into is the free 30 Day Husband Encouragement Challenge to help provide reflection, resolution and prayer in building a stronger marriage.
Matthew Kelly as an audio and a book entitled Seven Levels of Intimacy that helps us go deeper in any relationship, to find the connection we are looking for, in a non-physical way. A great read for people of all ages and situations.
We are innately called to love. Like everything in life, we need to learn to love more. We need to improve in love. So why not invest in yourself? Consider choosing only one of the above mentioned resources. Choose to deliberately feed your relationships with more good. No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. Be the protagonist to improve the relationship. Have patience. Watch the transformation. In yourself. In others. Change comes inch by inch, with perseverance. What a difference you will make to your life! What a happier person you will become!!! Now take the leap and start building a civilization of love, one person at a time. Starting with yourself.